I forgot to HEAL
As a selflove advocate and a person who is dedicated to healing my body, mind, soul and life it came as a shock to me recently when I realised I had stopped putting focus on my healing. This wasn’t because I am miraculously all good, even though I have come a long way and am very high functioning. It was because, well, I forgot!
Yet it is a very easy thing for us to do for so many reasons… life gets busy, we are feeling much better & put our focus on other things, we have a trigger & go into victim mode, we are just so tired of going back & forward to doctors & healers & health professionals & all of a sudden we are in the grind of it rather than it being a positive healing experience. It all gets too much.
Lately I haven’t even wanted to go to the doctors to get scripts filled, I have been in major avoidance. Maybe it’s because we are in a Pandemic & there is so much fear around, wearing masks is so uncomfortable & makes me anxious, the people working at doctors surgeries seem so on edge & not a lot of empathy or care you are just another number. Sitting in a doctors surgery waiting room is not a pleasant experience.
Then last time I saw my doctor she got so riled up when I asked her some questions about the Covid Vaccine, then when I said I would like to wait for a new type to come out she told me ‘you must be stupid not to take it’. Well no I’m not stupid. I am the caretaker of my body which has autoimmune disease apparently, which is the #1 warning on their long list of side effects. I understand herd immunity etc. but I also believe we get that with natural immunity for those who have had Covid. And I do not believe in a system that only focuses on a vaccine and makes all other treatments illegal. That is simply my choice for me, I don’t judge other people’s choices around this & I am not anti Vax & they have obviously saved a lot of lives. Though they are not risk free. Having worked so hard on my health all my life, it is not something I will put at risk, ever, without a lot of thought & inner intuition & conviction guiding my way.
So yes, it’s quite a stressful time to be seeking medical help when you don’t fully believe in the medical system right now & feel judged and pressured to put things into my body I know intuitively could be very damaging & take me backwards not forwards in my health. I have to make this assessment with many thing in my life including food, drinks, environment, relationships, driving, work loads, medications, doctors advice, where I live, how I live. With all of it I need to take into account my own body & ensure I make the best choices to look after my own health & wellbeing. If I am not the caretaker, then who will be? It is up to me.
Sometimes that gets really tiring & healing feels like a negative not a positive in life. Sometimes when this happens I just switch off. I energetically put my head in the sand. I do not want to adult right now. I just want to eat what I want, do what I want & pretend there won’t be consequences. I just want to be normal.
And sometimes my body gives me this reprieve. Like a mum who wants the best for her child my body is emotionally intelligent & knows I need a break. She lets me eat the Cheetos without getting a migraine. She lets me go & visit friends & have a cocktail without putting me in bed for a week. She lets me travel somewhere on a plane & not become unwell. She lets me cry & drink a bottle of my favourite wine on the odd occasion when I need a night in with myself. And I don’t completely crash & burn. Because chronic illness is not one dimensional & flareups are so frequently cause by some type of stressor. So minimising that stress by doing fun, positive, good things for our mental health can have a solidly positive effect on us.
Letting ourselves off the hook though can become addictive. And recently I forgot to check in with my body & see how she was doing. I forgot to lay down on the floor daily & meditate with my body going through & healing every part of her consciously drawing energy & healing to the pain. I forgot to make time for her in a positive way & just wanted her to show up & do my bidding without checking in on her.
Luckily she is on my side & has the highest form of unconditional love for me. My body ALWAYS wants to heal & show up & be at her best, she is 100% here for me. She let me wobble both physically & emotionally. And I love her for it.
Recently I watched the documentary HEAL on the gaia channel (its also on Netflix) and it was just the reminder I needed on how prevalent our mind is in healing. It reminded me that every body heals differently & the path for everybody is a journey of trying new things to see what works for us. It gave examples of people who have healed themselves in different ways. It reminded me of the beautiful magic of our bodies & the magic of healing.
Although I have had times where watching that might make me really angry, those times when I was stuck in my pain. Watching it at this time was just the most lovely gentle reminder that I need to focus on my healing every day. We all do. Because by our late 40’s there are not too many of us that have nothing to heal, I have been actively healing by the age of 15. We owe ourselves to focus on it, as it is part of our calling in this life. As we heal ourselves we heal others around us, we are all energetically connected. We owe it to humanity. But it starts with us, consciously focussing on our body, mind & soul in a positive way.
Everything in this documentary I feel I already know & have put into practice in my life or found out for myself throughout my own journey. Yet sometimes we just need a positive gentle reminder to get back on track & love ourselves in a healing way & this doco was what I needed in the moment.
So now I am off to do my morning healing meditation, to draw attention to my own beautiful body & to support her energetically.
I am back body, let’s do this.
I am so very thankful for people sharing their stories & experiences which is why I also do it. It is a way of helping each other & ourselves, heal & grow.
Much Love, Zoë xx