Bulimia

Woman looking into cracked mirror
Woman looking into cracked mirror

A teenager
Full of hurt, pain and anger
I need to get it out

A lost girl
Trying to find her way
Take her power back

I am nothing
I feel deep inside me
That I don’t matter

No one cares
I can’t control it
I am ugly and distraught

Who am i?
I ask myself
But I don’t answer

What do I matter?
The black surrounding me
Says that I don’t

The nausea
Is my only feeling
And I succumb to it

The pain
Is too deep
I need to throw it up

My life
Feels like someone else’s
I’m an imposter

I see
My fingers go
Down my throat

I feel the pain
Deep inside
I’m gagging wanting it out

I am wretching
It’s what I deserve
I need it gone

I am nothing
I am no one
I am free

Only when
The tears stream
Down my face

I feel
Alive again
Woken up

Only when
My throat swells
My words are safe

I feel
Validated by
My bodies reaction

Only when
My fingers smell
I have vomited out the bad

I feel
Free
Of the toxic pain

Only when
I lay down in shame
My secrets are safe

I feel
Exhausted and
In control again